Are you in the right room?

I was just chatting with a friend, well, my ex-girlfriend (lesbians 🤷🏻‍♀️), and I'd mentioned that she generally makes a lot of people smile. We talked for a while and it made me realise something.

There's that feeling that many people get of "am I not enough?" and it's quite an insipid question. It drives a wedge between what you know to be true and how you perceive the world. I've definitely asked that question before, especially in my most depressive of episodes, though there it took a more dangerous form of ”what would my funeral be like? Would anyone even show up?“ dark, I know.

There's that question of "do people feel your absence in a room?" which can be a hard one to answer. It takes quite a lot of introspection to find an answer. I think the answer really depends on whether that was the right room for you.

No doubt, I have definitely spent a lot of time in the wrong rooms for me, especially when I was drinking. Rooms where the relationships were only as strong as the drinks we drunk (or maybe inversely so).

So yeah, if you feel like you don't belong, maybe you just haven't found the right room to be in yet. Keep looking, as the right room(s) are out there for you.